The Pass Page 4

  “I won’t tickle you anymore. Come on, turn around, I want to cuddle.”

  I comply, half-convinced he’s joking, but he pulls me tight against his chest and sighs.

  “I didn’t picture you as a cuddler.”

  “I am the best cuddler.”

  “Says who?” My eyes flutter closed, and I revel in the feel of him wrapped around me. “You do this often?”

  “Says me and no, now shh.”

  “You’re very bossy.”

  His grip squeezes around my middle. We breathe together and my body goes limp, happy and content and finally tired.

  “’Night, Tanner.”

  “’Night, babe.”

  5

  Tanner

  “Sydney’s coming over again?” Datson has a smug smile on his face. “You two are like a thing now, huh?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “Why not? She’s pretty hot.”

  “Pretty hot? You need your eyes checked.” I hit the bill of his hat as I hurry to answer the door.

  I pull it wide and Sydney stands there, phone to her ear, in a bright blue dress, blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail. Jesus, every time I see this girl, she legit takes my breath away.

  Her eyes meet mine and she mouths hello while walking inside.

  “Okay, Mom, I’ve got to go now. I just walked into a friend’s house.” She tilts her head side to side impatiently while I imagine her mom keeps talking. She smiles at me, but I’m stuck on the word friend.

  It’s been two weeks since she stayed over the first time and we’ve hung out or talked almost every day. Things are easy between us and fun. So much fun. She said she wanted to take things slow and I’m good with that, but how long do I wait to make a move?

  I scold myself, not for the first time. I can be patient. Very, very patient. The bits of information I’ve pulled from her about her past relationships have made her untrusting. I want to restore that trust, not just because I want to sleep with her but because she deserves that.

  “Sorry,” she says after ending the call. “My mom babbles on the phone. I can barely get a word in.”

  “Like mother like daughter.”

  “Punk.” She takes a seat in the living room. “What are we doing tonight?”

  “Oh, uh.” I glance down at my shorts and bare feet. Sydney’s dressed to kill, per the usual. “Did you want to go out?”

  “Well, we could stay in and I could kick your ass at Tecmo Bowl again, your choice.” She kicks off her sandals and pulls her feet under her.

  Let’s see, keep her to myself and only a fifteen second jog to my bed in case tonight is the night or go out where I’ll have to share her with a bunch of other people? Easy call.

  “Don’t get ahead of yourself, babe. I’ve been practicing.” I hand her a remote and settle back, ready to redeem myself.

  As they always do, the hours go by too quickly. Nathan comes home, stopping in the living room. “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Losing.” I groan as Sydney wins again. “How am I so bad at this game?”

  Nathan chuckles. “You really are terrible.”

  I really am. “What are you doing back so early?” I ask him.

  “Early? It’s after midnight.”

  Sydney and I share a shocked look and then both laugh. I sit up and my body protests. “Shit, I guess we haven’t moved in a while.”

  “I should get home.” She stands and slips on her shoes. “I have to give a speech tomorrow morning.”

  Nathan heads off. “’Night, guys.”

  “Let me grab a shirt and shoes and I’ll walk you.”

  Sydney and I make our way to campus slowly. It isn’t far, but by unspoken agreement, we stretch out our time together.

  “What’s your speech about?”

  She hooks her arm through mine. “We have to give a five-minute speech that teaches the class something. Something that we’re interested in and bonus points for uniqueness.”

  “Oh man, I can’t wait to hear this.”

  “Mine is about organizing clothes and accessories in dorm-sized closets.”

  “I should have known it was related to your clothes somehow.” I pull at the soft cotton material of her dress. “I like this one.”

  “Thanks.” She glances over at me. “I thought it matched the color of your eyes.”

  “Yeah?” I think that’s a compliment. I know how much she likes her dresses though, and she has a whole bunch of them, so maybe each of them reminds her of something and her noting a dress matches my eye color is just a normal thing for her. This girl has me questioning all sorts of things that I never imagined I’d give a second thought.

  I go with her inside Freddy dorm and up to her floor.

  “Thanks for walking me home.”

  “Thanks for coming to see me. Maybe tomorrow we can go out, like actually leave the house and do something?” My hands are a little sweaty and I shove them in my pockets.

  “Can’t. We have a team dinner thing and Saturday I promised Emily we’d go to the football party. You could come with us if you want.”

  I like her friends, but I’d far prefer to spend the night with just her. Maybe a movie or dinner, or the bar. “Okay, yeah, whatever you want.”

  Her wide smile makes me forget to be disappointed. “I’ll text you when I know what everyone’s doing.”

  Tipping back on my heels, that disappointment creeps back in knowing that we’re not going to be able to hang out for a couple of days. And I really hate this weird place we’re in. Most of the time I don’t notice it because I’m too busy enjoying her company, but when we say goodbye there’s always this beat of awkwardness. When can I see her again? Should I kiss her? Have we hung out enough times that she trusts me?

  Sydney smiles tentatively, hand on the doorknob. A war wages in my head.

  Kiss her.

  Don’t freak her out.

  Fucking kiss her already.

  You’ll know when the time is right.

  It feels pretty fucking right.

  While I’m still debating, Sydney makes the decision for me. She steps forward, kisses me on the cheek so quickly I almost miss it, and then throws open her door and goes inside. “’Night, Tanner.”

  How did I get friend zoned by a girl that by her own words had been dying to meet me for an entire year? I think it might have been this moment. I should have taken her out to a party or to dinner. I should have kissed her. Literally anything would have been better than what I did, which was nothing.

  6

  Sydney

  Present day - two years later

  * * *

  “Tanner?” I call as I walk through the front door. My voice echoes in the big, quiet space. I move through to the back of the house to see if he’s outside and then backtrack to go upstairs. Everyone else has already gone home for summer break, and if it weren’t for Tanner’s car out front and the text he sent me five minutes ago, I’d think he was gone too.

  As I ascend the stairs, I finally hear him. Above the sound of the shower, he sings. The words and tempo don’t match any song I know, but he keeps right on belting it out. The bathroom door is cracked open and steam seeps out.

  “It sounds like you’re drowning a cat in there,” I say, standing along the wall so I don’t accidentally get an eyeful. If there’s anything I’ve learned being friends with Tanner over the last two years, it’s that he’s unabashedly proud of his body and not afraid who sees it. Modesty? What’s that?

  The water stops, and I hear him push the shower curtain open. “There’s a pussy joke in there somewhere.”

  Rolling my eyes, but smiling all the same, I step back when his footsteps approach. “Are you decent?”

  “Always.”

  “Is your dick covered?”

  He chuckles and moves past me. He’s dripping water all over the hallway, but he does have a towel wrapped around his waist.

  I follow him into his room and sit on his bed. He steps into his closet, tosses
the towel out onto the floor, and when he reappears, he has on a pair of shorts.

  He drops beside me on the mattress. “How was your meeting with the trainer?”

  I fall onto my back with a dramatic sigh. “Awful. She squashed any hope that I can play this summer. Seriously, I’m fine.” I lift my arm and rotate until I feel the pinch in my shoulder. Okay, fine is a stretch but the tournament in Brazil isn’t for another three weeks. I’ll be fine by then. Mostly fine. I really wanted to spend my summer by the beach.

  “Sorry, babe. You don’t want to take any chances before senior year, though. Better to rest it and be ready in the fall.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I grumble. That’s almost exactly what the doctor said. It doesn’t make missing out on a summer of traveling and playing volleyball suck any less. I turn onto my side to face Tanner. “When are you leaving?”

  “I was planning on heading out this afternoon.” He rakes a hand through his wet hair.

  I nod and resign myself to a summer of boredom in my hometown. I haven’t been back home for an entire summer since I came to college and there’s a very good reason for that. The small town where I grew up is charming and quaint and all those things people talk up about small towns, but it’s also super dull. No beach, no mountains, no good places to shop. Most of my friends from high school have moved away or are married with kids. It’s going to be the longest summer ever.

  “Hey.” He nudges me. “How about I stay tonight and we hang out?”

  “And do what? Everyone is gone.”

  “Since when have we ever needed other people to have a good time?”

  The corners of my mouth pull into a small smile. He’s right. Tanner and I can (and have) found ways to have fun regardless of what everyone else is doing. If the party is lame, we’ll still make sure we have a good time. It’s one of my favorite things about our friendship, he makes everything better.

  “Okay, yeah, if you’re sure you can stay. I don’t want to keep you from whatever plans you have for the awesome summer you keep talking about.”

  He cocks a brow.

  “Okay, fine, screw your awesome summer. Stay and hang out with me.” I push out my lower lip and his eyes crinkle at the corners. When Tanner smiles, really smiles, it’s as clear in his eyes as it is his lips.

  “Done.” He sits up. “I need to pack, though, so I can leave first thing in the morning.”

  “You start packing and I’ll grab drinks.”

  The guys’ fridge is the emptiest I’ve ever seen it and the liquor on the counter is sad, too. I grab a bottle of Malibu and four Natty Lights and head back upstairs.

  Tanner makes a face when I hand him one of the cheap beers.

  “It’s all you had, but I grabbed this too.”

  His expression only sours more. “Malibu?”

  “I like it.”

  “You’re the only one. It’s been down there since our last party.”

  “This is the same one?” I asked surprised. Tanner, despite all his eye rolling, always makes sure they have Malibu and Coke on hand for me. His preferences are Jager and beers that are too hoppy for my liking. For a college kid, he has expensive tastes that I like to tease him about.

  He opens his beer and takes a long drink, grimaces, and then takes another long gulp. He crushes the can in his hand and my brows raise.

  “Only take about thirty more of those to get me drunk. It’s basically water.”

  “Take a shot,” I say and unscrew the top of the Malibu. My eyes widen with an idea. “Every time you complain about the beer, you have to take a shot.”

  He does and then hands it back and grabs his second beer. “Fine, but every time you complain that I’m packing all wrong, you have to take a shot.”

  I glance at his open suitcase on the bed. His jeans are tossed in and a couple pairs of shoes. He’s already pulled out a second suitcase in preparation for filling the first.

  I can’t help myself, I cross the room and grab the jeans, roll them, and then tuck them back inside. “Look at all the room you could save though.”

  He chuckles and juts his chin toward the bottle.

  Beer in one hand and Malibu in the other, I take a seat on the bed next to his suitcase. Silently, I continue to repack each item he adds. He doesn’t comment but shakes his head every time he glances at my handiwork.

  He brings a pile of mismatched socks and drops them on top with a knowing smirk.

  “Okay, stop.”

  He raises his hand and makes a triumphant fist. “I wondered what your breaking point would be. If the socks didn’t work, I was going to toss my dirty laundry in. Drink up, babe.”

  “You’re the worst.”

  By the time we’re finished, I’m drunk, and Tanner has on his tipsy smile.

  “We’re going to need more booze,” I tell him as we head downstairs. Without warning, I wrap my arms around his neck from behind and jump. He catches me and carries me piggyback into the kitchen.

  “Nah, we’re good.” He goes to the pantry and pulls down a box with alcohol in it. “I was going to take this with me.”

  “You’re just now mentioning this?”

  “Someone needed to drink the gross beer left in the fridge.” He shudders. “This is my reward.”

  “Shot,” I tell him.

  He pulls out a bottle of Jager and I groan, but at least we’re done packing, so I don’t have to worry about holding up my end on the shot-taking bargain. I’m in a happy drunk state now but another couple of shots and I’ll be passed out. He brings us into the kitchen, and I drop down and take a seat on one of the barstools.

  “Here, mix this with some soda water so you don’t pass out on me.” He puts the vodka in front of me.

  “You know me too well.”

  We make our drinks and take them outside. It’s hot, but I didn’t bring my bathing suit, so we sit on the edge of the pool and dangle our feet in.

  “What’s Amelia doing this summer?”

  “Ah, shit.” Tanner pulls out his phone and winces. “She still thinks I’m coming tonight.”

  “I thought you were going to the lake?”

  “Yeah, I am, but I told her I’d stop at her house on the way through and we could grab dinner.”

  “Oh.”

  “Be right back.” He stands with the phone to his ear. “Hey, I’m sorry…” His voice trails off as he retreats inside.

  I get up off the ground and go sit in the shade. A pit of guilt sits heavy in my stomach. It isn’t like I knew, but I still feel bad. This happens a lot with Tanner and me. We hang out and the rest of the world fades away which inevitably leads to one of us forgetting about something we were supposed to do.

  It’s one of the reasons I haven’t dated that much since we met. I hate that look of disappointment guys get when I tell them I’m going to hang with Tanner. They never understand our friendship. One of the requirements for any guy I date is that he needs to get along with my best friend. I may be single forever.

  Tanner has dated a lot more than I have over the years and I’ve tried my best to make his girlfriends feel comfortable. Amelia, his latest girlfriend, seems nice. A little quiet and reserved for him, but if she makes him happy, then that’s all that matters.

  He blows out a long breath and takes a seat in a lounge chair next to me. “Well, that could have gone better.”

  “Sorry. Is she really pissed?”

  “No, worse, disappointed.”

  “This is all my fault. Maybe I should text her.”

  “No.” He holds his arm out to stop me. “No offense, babe, but texting her is probably the worst thing you could do.”

  “But it isn’t your fault. You wouldn’t have stayed if it weren’t for me. You were being a good friend.”

  “She doesn’t see it like that.”

  I feel awful and the buzz I had seems to have worn off. “Is there any way you can still make it?”

  “No, that ship has sailed.” He lifts the Jager bottle and takes a dri
nk. He nudges me. “It’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

  I’m not so sure but stating that seems the opposite of helpful. “You’re right. I’m sure you’ll charm your way back into her good graces.”

  “I don’t do that.” He smiles.

  I cock a brow and he chuckles and passes over the Jager.

  “Drink, babe. New rule, every time you look at me like you feel sorry for me, you have to take a shot.”

  “No way. I’d walk around drunk all the time.” Still, I take a small drink, scowl at the black licorice taste, and hand it back. “Do you think our lives would be easier, dating-wise, if we weren’t friends?”

  It’s something I’ve thought about a lot over the past year. I think I’m finally at that point where I feel ready to be in a serious relationship, but I worry as soon as I bring them around to hang out with Tanner, they’ll start acting weird, or worse, it’d put a wedge between me and him. We’ve never had serious relationships at the same time. Would we double date? I can’t picture it.

  I glance over at my best friend, hoping he’ll ease my mind, but he shrugs. “Maybe.”

  I lean my head back against the lounge chair and shut my eyes.

  “Hey, look at me.”

  I open my lids to find Tanner has sat up and swiveled his legs around so he’s closer. “Screw everyone else. You’re my person, and if Amelia can’t understand that then it’s already doomed to fail.”

  “Tanner—”

  “No, I’m serious.”

  “I know, but I don’t want to be the reason you and Amelia don’t work.”

  “Tonight was my fault. It’s on me.” He grabs my hand and squeezes. “Got it?”

  I nod. “Yeah.”

  “Now, help me figure out how I’m going to make it right with Amelia.”

  “Oooh, I love when you screw up and we get to make big gestures.”

  “We?”

  “We both know I’m the brain of the operation, you’re just the pretty face.”

  “You think my face is pretty?” He tilts his face side to side showing off with a smug smile.

  “We don’t have time to feed your ego and come up with a plan.”